Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
