You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
