i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
