Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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