I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
