I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
