i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize