That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
