Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
