U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
