your parents love me but you hate me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm jealous of your bromance
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm bleeding and have questions
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
