If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
