ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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