Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
