i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
