I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
