she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
