Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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