so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
