She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
