I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
