the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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