I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
