Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize