So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
