Nicole vs. Life
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
