Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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