I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
