Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm bleeding and have questions
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
