I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
