I cannot find my penis.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
