i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
