Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
