I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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