3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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