amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize