She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
