for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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