Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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