shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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