Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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