are you still at the devil's house?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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