i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
