I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
