what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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