My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think people are normalizing furries
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
