I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
