yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
