we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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