we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
