Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
