At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She bit a glass in half.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
