i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
