I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
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Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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