Moan for me like Helen Keller
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
