i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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