If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
