everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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