what day is it and did you see me today?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
