id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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