My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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