I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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