new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
