i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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