I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
