Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
