You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
