i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
