she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
