I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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