even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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