He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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